Seth Madej
Categories: Photos | Tags: The Simpsons, twitterClick here to comment
On the days when I wake up and put on my curmodgeonin’ slacks and rail against the assholization of America, I constantly grumble at the folks on the wireless about how no one knows how to say “thank you” anymore.
That might have something to do with the fact that I spent 97% of my childhood in thank-you-note debt to one grandmother or the other, and I hated, hated, HATED1 writing them. I feel horribly guilty about it now. In my defense, I was a young and idiotic fool, and in those days composing thanks-you notes involved operating some sort of analog writing instrument, not to mention acquiring a blank piece of paper, which if I remember correctly involved first planting a sapling.
----- HATED! [↩]
Categories: Writing | Tags: ethics, twitterClick here to comment
Categories: Writing | Tags: comedy, internet, twitterClick here to comment
The Huffington Post has named me one of 18 Funny Bearded Guys You Should Follow on Twitter. I’m in the illustrious company of knee-slappingly hilarious stand-up comedian and writer for Conan Andrés du Bouchet, thigh-slappingly hilarious The Simpsons writer and producer Tim Long, and uvula-slappingly hilarious writer and twitmaster Ted Travelstead.
Please go vote for my tweet — easily the best modern American Uniball joke — by rating it a 10 on the left right side of the page there.
And while you’re at it, please follow me on Twitter.
Here are my tweets from May 7 (11 days ago):
And here’s the Los Angeles Times’s lead story right now:
Entrepreneurs offer post-’rapture’ services
Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, which promises to care for pets left behind, is run by avowed atheists. … ”This is a serious offer to our Christian friends who believe in the Second Coming and honestly care about the future of their pets after the Rapture occurs.” Bart Centre, the New Hampshire retiree who runs Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, said he simply wants to make a buck.
I won’t accuse Bart Centre of ripping off my idea, especially because I don’t know if he offers the Eternal Damnation Guarantee®. But if I’d actually seen my business plan through instead of just tweeting jokes about it, I might not be eating reheated breadcrumbs for dinner tonight.
Categories: Writing | Tags: apocalypse, dogs, twitterClick here to comment
My #twitterversary tactic of using the promise of adorable hound photos to lure new followers has resulted in nothing but humiliation and half of a dot matrix printer hurled through my window (“You ain’t worth a brick!” scrawled on it in glitter ink). So, I’m posting the photos here for you, my loyal blog reader. You’ll never let me down. Remember how you offered me a seat at your lunch table after Jimmy tied me in a fire hose and rolled me into Bryce Canyon? REMEMBER?!
Categories: Photos | Tags: basset hounds, dogs, twitterClick here to comment
The #twitterversary jamboree continues, and the stakes have been raised! In 30 years, will you have the moxie to tell your grandchildren that you missed out on this? Click the More link and let the screenshot explain the details…
Categories: Writing | Tags: twitterClick here to comment
As of this coming Monday, I will have been using Twitter for three years. 1095 days, in Twitter terms, is millennia. With few exceptions, it’s been a colossal waste of time on par with nothing else in my life, barring perhaps the 17 straight hours I spent playing Adventure on my Atari 2600 before realizing that the power was turned off.
In all honesty, I feel like I’ve done some of my best work on Twitter, and it bugs me that after three years there are still only 134 people who see it, two of whom are related to me and the rest of whom are trying to sell me office supplies.
So, I’ll be celebrating my #twitterversary all week long with classic retweets, director’s cuts, fun facts, and a soul-shattering plea for attention with no regard for dignity or hygiene. Follow me on Twitter to join in. I’ll even throw in a few special tweats for you, my loyal blog readers, such as the neologism “tweat” which I just invented, meaning a “twitter-related treat.” All others claiming to have invented it earlier have been, on my orders, castrated at the teeth of Jason Alexander.
Celebrate. Good times. Come on.
Categories: Writing | Tags: twitterClick here to comment
