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by Richard E. Mooney
To enthusiasts of crackpot literature there is little worse than a Me Too. Me Toos come into existence when a crackpot book crosses over into the mainstream, causing an even more cracked pot (or worse, even less) to roll out a similar theory. In this case the former is Erich Von Däniken’s 1968 bestseller positing that aliens visited ancient humans, Chariots of the Gods?, which Colony Earth me-toos so enthusiastically that it name checks Von D on the cover.
If you write a Me Too you’re already one strike down, so you need to be sure not to break any other cardinal rules of crackpot literature. Definitely don’t, within the first 75 pages, let on to your readers that you’re way more ignorant than any of them, including any hamsters that might happen to scoot across opened copies. That means not claiming that prehistoric humans possessed total recall because of the striking realism of their cave paintings nor noting that a comet colliding with earth wouldn’t do any real damage because a comet is just a “ball of snow.” But if you slip up on that first rule, just keep cool and be extra sure not to reveal that you’re a racist nitwit who claims there to be three species of humans — Caucasoid, Mongoloid, and Negroid — who “safely interbreed.”
Richard E. Mooney, won’t you please go now?
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