Well, Ian Fleming’s James Bond novels are now public domain in Canada. We grungy Americans won’t get our hands on them until 2059 and even Fleming’s fellow Brits have to wait until another 20 years, but the laws of the Great White North, along with nationalizing an entire strain of bacon, mandate that books enter the public domain 50 years after the death of the author. It’s been just over that long since 007 creator collapsed and died after dinner at the Royal St George’s Golf Club.
So if you’re an American who wants to spite sentient jalapeño popper Rush Limbaugh, who dimwittedly insists that Idris Elba can’t become the next cinematic 007 — despite being the first choice of Sony Pictures co-chairman Amy Pascal and many Bond fans — because Elba is black and the literary Bond is white, now’s your chance to move to Vancouver to write and publish a 007 novel in which James is a towering Anglo-African with a six-song hip-hop EP.
More importantly, now’s the chance for a Canadian publisher to hire me to write The Complete Annotated Ian Fleming’s 007. I meet at least the minimum requirements of having read all the books and possessing a valid library card. There’s no belletristic job I’d rather take on, and it seems only fair to throw me a bone since another Jewish TV writer, Anthony Horowitz, not only was selected to write the newest authorized Bond novel but also authored Moriarty, a Sherlock Holmes book sanctioned by the Conan Doyle estate. Since Horowitz now has control of two of my favorite fictional characters, and therefore it’s only a matter of time before he becomes the next showrunner of Doctor Who while writing the Indiana Jones reboot and tongue-kissing the ghost of Anita Ekberg, I don’t feel like I’m asking too much.
To prove my devotion to this project and enthusiasm for all things north of North Dakota, I’ve compiled a list of hilariously named actual Canadian newspapers: