The submission period for the inaugural edition of my free-lunch contest #SethBuyMeLunch has ended, and I had a tough time sorting through the hundreds of entries I didn’t receive. Nevertheless, to be completely fair in choosing a winner, I developed a selection procedure to guarantee complete randomness.

First, I used an everyday algorithm to convert each entrant’s Twitter handle to a combination of characters forming a last name, number, and position for a player from the 1957 Barbarian FC rugby squad. For example, @kerrygordonson obviously converted to  Smith14wing.

Then, I filled the Sistine Chapel with discarded customer-service survey receipts, each labeled with a digit from 0-9:

Next I released a herd of endangered white rhinos into the chapel, each of which had been spray painted with a letter of the alphabet:

Then I collected the various receipts speared on the rhinoceroses’ horns, noting which animal each had come from. I carefully collated the various letters and numbers as the rhinos roamed the Vatican grounds, stomping rose bushes, antique mosaics, and a clerical conference from Equatorial Guinea.

Finally, I asked the arresting officer to pick one of the three people who entered.

I’m happy to say that he picked @fishstx, AKA Mr. Paul Fisher! I’m looking forward to buying lunch for Paul tomorrow.

You can win a free lunch with me next week, and every week, by tweeting #SethBuyMeLunch between 12am Monday and 12am Tuesday. Here are the details (with slightly updated rules).