During one of my thrice-daily self-googles I stumbled on this gem hiding in the pages of The New Yinzer since all the way back in 2003. It’s my winning entry from The New Yinzer’s First Ever Letter Writing Contest, which starts:

From: Seth Madej
Sent: Thu 24 Apr 03
Subject: 25th Letter

Dear Editors:

I am surprised, disappointed, and appalled at the unfettered and unacceptable use of the 25th letter of the alphabet throughout this publication.

I had long considered the three editors to whom I write to be among the most outstanding members of the Organization for the Elimination of the 25th Letter of the Alphabet. Upon our first encounter, I was delighted with their comprehensive knowledge of the what, where, how, and for-what-reason of the struggle against the 25th letter. In the weeks that followed our introduction, the three editors demonstrated their enthusiastic support for our cause both at our duodecennial meetings and in intimate conversation… read on >>>

I forgot how much I enjoy that letter, though strangely I remember not having too much trouble pulling off the gimmick.1 I also remember chastising a certain TNY editor who–going to town with the mag’s militant style guide–totally hosed that gimmick by posting the text with the numerals spelled out.2 Also of interest to my long-time fans (i.e. nobody) is that this letter marks the first time I write about weeping while retching, something which often recurs in my work for reasons I’d rather not think too much about.

Anyway, I was hardly involved with TNY when I sent that letter, and it won me some good friends.

1. It was much, much harder to pull off the crossword puzzles I created for TNY, which I am substantially more likely to reprint here thanks to my new 1.75-liter bottle of Seagram’s Extra Dry. [↩]
2. That editor may in fact be the author of this forthcoming book, which you should pre-order and about which I’ll say more on this site later. [↩]